A few weeks ago, I became very concerned about those who were setting themselves up to speak on behalf of GRACE and decipher the GRACE report and tell us how we all should respond. In particular, my concern was for the blatant attempts by Dale Ingraham, founder of “Speaking the Truth in Love Ministries” and Rebecca Davis, self-proclaimed victims advocate and author of missionary stories. They preemptively set up a website and Facebook page that I will not mention because I don’t want to drive any traffic their way. The name they chose gives the illusion that they are affiliated with GRACE. The average person going to their sites will assume that they have the blessing of Boz Tchvidjian and GRACE to do so. I pray to God this is not the case because frankly, I find their whole approach insulting. People are fully capable of reading and coming to their own conclusions about the outstanding document that GRACE put together. They don’t need pundits doing it for them. And no one needs to dilute the clear message that the GRACE team has painstakingly put together after two years of thorough research and investigation.
Just one day, ONE DAY after the GRACE report was released Dale Ingraham and Rebecca Davis made an announcement about a new book they are peddling. Seriously? You are going to peddle a book at a time like this? Who does this? The BJU survivors I have personally talked to are feeling raw after reading the report. And you Dale and Rebecca are going to use this time to peddle a book? You couldn’t wait six months – you had use this time to exploit the survivors by peddling a damn book. And you are bragging about how bang on your book is to the GRACE report. Amazingly, you are now insinuating that you speak for Boz even before he speaks for himself!
Dale, I have known you since 2008 and I tried to deal with this in private but you refused to respond to my email. That was a big mistake Dale – a very big mistake. I have watched my survivor friends bleeding in pain after you lashed out at them when they expressed their outrage that you would peddle a book at a time like this. You refuse to even acknowledge their pain or apologize to them. I cannot and will not keep silent any longer. I must speak the truth – in disgust!
I believe Dale that you started out with good intentions but something has gone seriously awry with you lately. Many survivors know that Rebecca has been involved in attacking an abuse victim and discrediting her story. She is known to gossip to anyone who will listen. This is a survivor she has never personally talked to – a survivor who extended an olive branch to her and was flat rebuffed by Rebecca. Instead, Rebecca continues to gossip and disparage the character and reputation of this survivor. Now would you call that “speaking the truth in love”? By aligning yourself with Rebecca, Dale you have alienated some of the most solid and respected abuse survivors I have had the privilege of getting to know. And by announcing that you are now peddling a book with Rebecca and announcing its release on the heels of the GRACE report, you have completed the alienation in just one day. You destroyed years of trust that can never be rebuilt and being a pastor, you have shattered their faith on top of it. You will forever serve as an example of yet another pastor who betrayed them. I hope when you cash in on the pittance that you make on your book that came at the expense of these survivors that you have now betrayed that you feel it was worth it. It won’t be. What you are doing is so tacky. It is exploitation and it is disgusting.
I don’t know what happened to you Dale. You are not the same man I thought I knew. You should have more discernment than this. I see some big changes in you and they are not good. You seem to be using Boz and GRACE to promote your own agenda and trying to be a wanna-be GRACE. If you want to start your own investigations ministry than go do it; but don’t take advantage of GRACE. You are confusing people with the name of your website and group. You are not affiliated with GRACE so don’t fool the public into thinking that you are. This is dishonest.
You may think you speak for Boz but let me be the first to speak the truth in love, I mean, disgust. Dale, I know Boz and you sir are no Boz. Therefore you can’t speak and shouldn’t speak for him. The message you speak and the message Boz speaks are as different as night and day. Boz speaks from a heart of compassion and love. He has no agenda. He speaks words that are life-giving, validating and without a hint of exploitation. Dale, your agenda appears to be to become a wanna-be GRACE and it shows. You want to be the “poor man's” version of GRACE for those organizations that don’t have or don’t want to spend the kind of money that is required to hire GRACE.
I am no longer in ministry Dale and for good reason. I realize that I am not fit to be in ministry. I have a lot more healing to do for myself before I am able to help others heal. My time fighting for the PBI survivors showed that there was a whole lot more that I have not yet dealt with. I resigned from ministry. I am not speaking to you as one in ministry but from the perspective of a survivor.
Dale, if you have a shred of decency you will stop the release of your book out of respect to the BJU survivors. You will pull down your website and FB page and you wipe all references that make it sound like you are affiliated with GRACE. You will apologize to those survivors you lashed out at for having the courage to speak the truth to you.
And you will have the graciousness and humility to listen to us canaries in the coal mine who can smell the toxic fumes a lot sooner than you might be able to.
And that is what speaking the truth in love, um...disgust is all about.